i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
