She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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