hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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