That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
