I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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