the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I said "one day" and that day is not today
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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