Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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