Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
