You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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