How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
