If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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