I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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