she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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