This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
