yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
