I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
