my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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