Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
