By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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