I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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