My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
