it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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