i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
