I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
