Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
