So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
