At least make sure they are 18
Why
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Drunk is not a location!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
