can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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