I wanna bring you to show and tell
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
