he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My pussy is not your playground.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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