I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
