I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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