final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I lost the right to judge tonight
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
