If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
