I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
