u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
