Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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