she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
