I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
