i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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