As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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