So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
