All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
