So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
