i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
