i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
