you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wish there were birth control emojis
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
