hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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