Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
