Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
