You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
