everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
